Ego is the most formidable of the knots which keep us tied to the ignorance– Sri Aurobindo
A perpetual life ache
And a lot lies at stake
For I have to survive
And even thrive
And make it big in life
And outdo every single strife
A perpetual life ache
And a lot lies at stake
For ‘I’ alone is not enough
And the world around is tough
So I got to prove my worth
And a lot I have to birth
A perpetual life ache
And a lot lies at stake
Oh my shoulders hurt
For I have forgotten my own worth
Oh where all did I search
And how much did I lurch
A perpetual life ache
And a lot lies at stake
For ‘I am’ was never enough
It sought this, that to act it out tough
Till it was reduced to dust
For every bubble has to burst
A perpetual life ache
And a lot lies at stake
No ego is not my enemy
It just at times act funny
Oh! The journey from the glam
To witness the bleating of the ram
What all did it take to get to ‘I am’
Unlike the common perception of ego as pride, ego or ‘ahamkara’ lies deeper.
The word ‘aham‘ means ‘I’ and ‘kara’ means doer. Ahamkara is what builds your self-concept.
So what does build your self concept?
What is the label you need to sit comfortably with yourself?
Where are you seeking to be somebody in order to pacify your nobody?
Where do you feel a sense of being superior or inferior in any domain of life to others?
That is your ego
No it is not your enemy and need not be given up. It just needs a witness. It is a cause of suffering because no label can ever prove enough to the cry of the soul to be boundless. Nothing mortal shall prove worthy enough to something which is immortal. When animals had territory, humans came up with property.
“This is mine”, they said.
If a thing is ‘mine’, another has to be automatically ‘yours’.
The question no longer settled at ‘This is mine’.
It soon went out to become ‘This much is mine’.
Every inch of hard work and love that you pour out becomes an expectation, a desire and a thirst. ‘I did this’ and so ‘I am entitled to receive that’. ‘I am this’ and so ‘I am entitled to be treated like that’. ‘I am better at this’ and so ‘I deserve to be rewarded like that’. ‘I got treated like this’ and so ‘I deserve to see them treated like that’. The journey becomes a valuation and all in it a petty calculation.
Spiritual ego makes it worse. “I am spiritual you know” and somehow everyone else is dark and you become the only light being in this world. When one’s ego get punctured, one starts to take refuge in sayings like “Let your light trigger others, shine anyway”, “I am God’s child”
Until you realize that light doesn’t come with adjectives attached to it
Until you realize that where is this being on this large planet who is not but a child of God
And yet these are vital stages on the journey of life to guard us temporarily and shelter us to ensure our survival.
For yes when we do say ‘We are God’s children’, it helps us survive the harshness of this world- Not the harshness of an individual but collective shadow.
For yes the light that runs through you runs through all beings. For yes the darkness that seeks refuge in you seeks refuge in every being. For yes the stream through which you drink is the same stream that flows through others. No no this is not poetry that the air you exhale becomes the one I inhale. For yes when you are at the receiving end of things, you know interdependence is not an ethical set up.
For yes spirituality is not just gilded sheets of ‘love and light’ but facing darkness standing in all its might.
For who could escape the brunt?
For even Daksha had to make peace with the face of the goat
So wherein lies the antidote?
May be just the willingness to move from ‘somebody’ to ‘nobody’
May be staying a perpetual witness that you need somebody
To surrender to and hold you steady until you are ready
And hold space for the fact that you will never be ready
For it is a perpetual life ache
And a lot lies at stake…
